In Nigeria, marriage is often a battlefield, and divorce is a war. But this war isn’t just fought between two people—it’s fought with a powerful, invisible weapon: misinformation.
“I will never give you a divorce.” “You can’t leave. You’ll lose your children and walk away with nothing.” “If you don’t sign the papers, you’ll be stuck with me forever.”
These are not just empty threats; they are chains. They are the legal lies, cultural myths, and deliberate gaslighting used to keep people—overwhelmingly women—trapped in situations that are abusive, unlivable, and even dangerous.
The legal system is a maze, but ignorance of the map is a choice. It’s time to expose the misconceptions that are being weaponized. Here are nine critical truths from a lawyer’s provided text [1] that shatter the lies you’ve been told.
1. The “I’ll Never Give You a Divorce” Lie
This is the number one threat used by abusers and manipulators. It’s also a complete bluff.
The Truth: One party can get a divorce even if the other person “decides not to show up.” The court just needs to see proof that your partner was served the divorce papers and was made aware of the proceedings. Their refusal to participate is not a veto; it’s an abdication. You do not need their permission to end a marriage.
2. The “You Have to Sign the Papers” Lie
This is a trope we’ve seen in a thousand movies. The dramatic scene in which one partner slides a pen across the table, and the other refuses to sign.
The Truth: This is a fiction. There is no “signing divorce papers” to finalize the split. A marriage is over once a court makes a pronouncement and issues a divorce certificate. Your partner’s signature is not required to set you free. Their refusal to “sign” is legally meaningless.
3. The “2-Year Prison Sentence” Lie
This isn’t a misconception; it’s a critical, systemic failure. Many believe they can leave a bad marriage at any time.
The Truth: The law itself creates a trap. For a civil (statutory) marriage, it must have existed for at least two years before you can file for divorce. The text itself uses the words “you will have to wait/endure.” This is a horrifying legal reality. It means that if you discover you’ve married a monster, the law forces you to “endure” them for two years before your case is “ripe” for divorce.
4. The “Polygamy Is Always an Option” Lie
Many men, in particular, believe they can have their cake and eat it too. They get a civil “court marriage” for status and then add a customary or Islamic one when they please.
The Truth: This is a crime. While polygamy is permitted under customary and Islamic law, it is a criminal offense called bigamy to marry more than one wife at a time under a civil marriage. You cannot mix and match. That “church wedding” or “registry marriage” legally binds you to one person.
5. The “I’ll Take Your Kids” Lie
This is the most vicious threat, used to break the will of parents (usually mothers) seeking freedom.
The Truth: Custody is not automatic. The court does not automatically grant custody to the father or the mother based on gender. The only standard is the best interest of the child. The court will check:
- Is the parent available?
- Does the parent have a history of violence?
- Does the parent have the financial means to care for the child?
- Does the parent abuse drugs or alcohol?
Your partner can’t just “take” the children. A judge will decide based on who is the better, safer, and more capable.
6. The “You Can’t Travel” Lie
A common control tactic: “You are my wife, you can’t take my children anywhere without my written permission.”
The Truth: As the mother of the children, you do not need the father’s written consent to travel abroad with them, unless you and the children share a different surname. This simple fact is a powerful tool for mobility and freedom that many women are deliberately kept from knowing.
7. The “Divorce Is Automatic” Lie
On the flip side, many assume they can just walk into court and get a divorce on demand. This is also false, and the court can become a barrier.
The Truth: You cannot get a divorce just because you “don’t love” them anymore. You must prove to the court that the marriage has “broken down irretrievably.” If you can’t, the court will decline the divorce and “advise” you to go and “work on your marriage”—a horrifying prospect in an abusive situation. Valid grounds to prove this breakdown include:
- Depriving your partner of sex
- Cheating
- Emotional/physical abuse
- Lies/deceit
- Abandoning the home for an extended period of time
8. The “Court Marriage” Lie
People put a special emphasis on a “court marriage,” as if it’s a special, indestructible vow made inside a courtroom.
The Truth: There is no such thing as a “court marriage.” No marriage is conducted “inside a courtroom.” What people are referring to is a marriage registry, which is a civil (statutory) marriage. It’s a contract, not a magic spell.
9. The “Marriageable Age” Lie
This is the most critical and disturbing “truth” of all. We believe the law protects children from marriage.
The Truth: It only sometimes does. Under statutory (civil) law, you must be 18. But under customary and Islamic law, the standard is terrifyingly vague. You don’t need to be 18. You can get married “when the family deems you ripe for marriage or sees you to be an adult.”
And the conduit for determining this? It’s not age. It’s not mental maturity. It is:
- For girls: If she “has seen her first period or has developed breasts or has started growing hair in the pubic region.”
- For boys: If he “has started ejaculating or has developed a ‘deep voice’ or has grown a shred of beard/goatee.”
This isn’t a “misconception.” This is a stated fact of our legal pluralism. It is a system that, under the guise of “custom,” legally sanctions child marriage using medieval, biological markers as a standard.
Why These Lies Matter
These misconceptions are not harmless. They are the building blocks of control, abuse, and patriarchal power. They are the reasons people “endure” for decades, losing their lives, sanity, and potential.
Knowledge is the only antidote. Sharing this information is not just “clearing up” misconceptions; it’s arming people with the truth they need to be free.
Reference
[1] https://www.instagram.com/p/DQ9BsujCPkk/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
