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I remember my undergraduate days in Ife when you switch on the fluorescent light and species of insects start crawling up to the light tube. This is the kinds of friends that we have these days; as long as you are shining they crawl up to your majesty but when the lights are out and the heats are on, they immediately turn to roaches. Hardly do you have friends that stick to you during the night time of your life but this is when it is assumed that friends are needed.

 

First things first, who am I really talking about here? Who are these no-good insects that are only attracted by light? I took a peek at the mirror and saw myself. I am one of those friends that people complain about; I am that friend that runs away in times of need and only gravitate to you during the sunny periods of your life. There is no difference between me and the billions of people in the world who are blamed for not being there when they need them.

 

 

People really take offence because of this; “you did not remember my birthday; you did not come for my wedding; you could not make it to my child’s dedication; you need not attend my mother’s wake keeping; you did not give me money when I needed it; you did not call me all this days, now you are calling me when you need something from me; you did not tell me about that business deal and the list goes on”.

 

This is always my reply though not verbally stated; “he that has friends must show himself friendly”. If you are quite interested in having friends especially during the night days, you should definitely show yourself friendly but supposing you show yourself friendly and it is not reciprocated. Well, I can very well feel you on this level but this is a great thing because you have got yourself a feedback without going through the betrayal route.

 

Mo Abudu interviews Cecilia Ibru and it goes like this (paraphrased and relevant data picked):

Mo: What’s the secret of success?

Cecilia: You need keep few friends

Mo: How were you able to successfully manage the 5^th largest bank in Nigeria?

Cecilia: I am friends with everybody in the bank; people say I act like a mother to everybody.

 

 

I am sure you would be wondering why she is saying two divergent opposite things to achieving the same thing. You may really not understand Cecilia Ibru except you have been in a leadership position. The truth is that to succeed you need few friends and the truth is also that to succeed, you need as much people on your side as possible. How can you then achieve this? Simple! Just separate them into close friends and not so close friend or using another language of those in your inner circle and those that are not in your inner circle.

 

 

Those that would be in your inner circle would come natural to you; you do not really need to force it by making them feel guilty by not attending one of your functions or by not fulfilling your every wish. What you are simply telling them to do is to deny who they are and once they do that, they are no longer useful to you. The usefulness of a friend is in their uniqueness not their conformity; this is why you need understand your so called close friend.

 

 

Friendship is not based on having the same passion about everything because you cannot really have the same passion about everything. Humans are not made that way. Friendship is a conscious choice to understand the uniqueness and commonness of the friend. Always stick to commonness and understand the uniqueness; this is the only way you can truly be friends. Jesus explained friendship by telling his disciples that I call you true friends because I tell you all things. Disclosure of your true self, feelings and thoughts is the basis of close friendship not having the same passion. This is what a true marriage and intimacy is based on; full disclosure!    

 

Cultivating relationship or should I say friendship is vital to success especially the ones based on purpose. When two people have the same purpose and they are both passionate about the purpose without rancor and open heart, there is nothing they cannot achieve on this earth. The Almighty God had to confuse the language of man because there was no other way to stop them from achieving their purpose of reaching heaven.

 

This is why it important to avoid unnecessary bickering and quibbling when achieving something because Jesus also affirmed this; “if two or three shall agree as touching anything on this earth, it shall be done by my father in heaven”. This condition has not been fully exploited by man because so many people cannot accommodate the differences in others hence are offended with one another. It is this offence that limits man.

 

  

I hear people make sentence like; “my friend (or my husband) betrayed me that’s why I am offended”. This particular sentence is an oxymoron because only someone that you trust can betray you. Someone that is not close to you can never betray you not to talk of hurting you. This is why you get Mafia expressions like; “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. The best way to totally annihilate your enemy is to keep them close to you.

 

In the light of this, we will realize that we would always be betrayed by our loved ones at a particular point because

1.      They are humans and prone to mistakes

2.      They are unique and would at a point have a different opinion from you

3.      They would always think of themselves first before anybody

Though it is painful to be betrayed by a friend, we must be able to understand the three points above so we can easily forgive them. It is in your best interest to forgive not in their best interest because “offence taking” is like the cancer that deters your progress in life. 

 

My 2-year old daughter taught me an important lesson recently when I was not paying attention with her because I was on Skype with my lecturer. She was quite angry with me because she said to the hearing of my Swedish lecturer; “daddy, I would not play with you again”. My lecturer heard it and told me to attend to her then postponed the meeting. When I was about to placate her, she ran to me with her baby laptop; “my laptop is not shutting down”. She put the laptop on my lap and snuggled me forgetting that I had offended her. I realize there and then that the more we grow, the more emotionally immature we tend to become; experience has taught us not to forgive, forget and trust people.

 

 

I just woke up and scribbled this; hope you learnt something? Anyway, the entrepreneurship meeting is opened to entrepreneurs who are interested in becoming my friend in this entrepreneurial journey. Please, click HERE to show interest. Before I go, a retailer of electromate 400 called me yesterday and told me he has 7 pieces for sale @ a give-away price. You may click HERE to show interest and contact him. Have a lovely week!