“Woman:” n, bearer of the hymen.”

 

In 1981, Britain’s leading Newspaper, quoted the Fifth Baron Fermoy’s words, affirming a teenaged girl’s suitability for the throne of England said (with no trace of a wink):

 

“To my knowledge she has never been involved in that way with anyone”Ä

 

But that was in 1981, you could easily dismiss it as forgivable. He didn’t know better- chauvinism was still in, the objectifying the woman was still ‘acceptable’, etc.

 

Twenty-seven years later, a father of three by three different women, cheekily crooned-

 

“I cant believe she’s still a virgin, lots of guys have been up to her but there was no compromising, she be strong she be keeping herself until the day of her wedding”. 

– Tuface Idibia (Nigerian artiste, MOBO award winner, MTV award winner, USAID spokesman)

  

The Cinderella story couldn’t have really happened- for princes; love was the least of worries for a proper marriage. Marriage was an alliance with the prerequisite royal blue blood. Later on, British royalty was willing to compromise and had in fact done so with the marriage of future George VI’s marriage to (red-veined) Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon.  The list of concessions never extended to ‘purity’. So, when older man, P of W, Charles, lover of Camilla Parker Bowels and future King of England was to marry, he made a ‘perfect’ match. It didn’t matter that he was in love with another woman or (as some claim) never loved Miss Pretty Face at all, or that teenaged-Diana didn’t understand half of what she was doing – Diana was Protestant, an aristocrat, well-liked, attractive, blameless, etc with an intact hymen.

The clean-little-Miss requirement wasn’t exclusive and extended to TV and paperback romance – Miss is the sexually inexperienced one, unable to believe the soaring emotions that envelope her as he takes her. At this unforgettable moment, he is trying hard to be gentle, to restrain his wildness, his experience, learnt from many other women. He knows what to do, how to do, when to do, how hard to do it ….

If “virginity” were a French word, it will definitely take the female article- la virginitie.  Sacredness, purity, abstinence have somehow become a female issue. Very few people, if any one, would assume that a male could be the virgin.

The female is the bearer of the hymen, subject to a higher standard of morality. Society’s moral hypocrisy demand that she must be pure, waiting for her Lord and master on the “night of her wedding”. God forbid that she’s been tainted, she immediately “looses respect”. The “he” immediately begins to wonder how many she’s been with, where she’s been, and of course, how many abortions she’s had. Of course, he easily ignores the answers he could have given to those questions. All the worship and glory go to the demure no-sex-before-marriage woman, along with celebration over her stained bed sheet.

Even Tuface unashamedly sings about the joys of waiting! (I’m a big big fan of Tuface’s last album but something doesn’t quite jell- like the Biblical King Solomon warning his sons of the dangers of women, or Casanova, being UN ambassador for abstinence).

Every male claims undying love for the virgin- but of course, we ‘agree’ that it is unhealthy to be a celibate male- hairy hands, impotence, and other unmentionable horrors.

Halima must remain a pure and nonsexual creature even if she marries at 35, but Emeka must be gay or have self-confidence issues, if at 20 he hasn’t gone past the wet dreams stage.

 

And who does the celebrated male stud sleep around with?

Answer: the “whores”, the not “marriageable” kind. 

Women, I’ m told, are divided into the ‘take home to mama’s and the “challams” (the one-nights or one-call ones). So if a girl (stupidly?) falls for Mr. and decides that she also has the “fire down below”, she’s a slut.

Definitely a slut.

The male is just being a “man”. Blame it on the innate undisciplined eyes, the testosterone and the no-brain-badly behaved object between his legs. There’s also the nymphomaniac who was stalking him… File!µ

The male virgin is like the Yeti, like the dragon.

 Typical scenario:

Funmilayo: Hello, Male A. I was just wondering, do you think there are male virgins?

Male A: *weird look*. Closely followed by: Ha, ha, ha (Interpret as: annoying laughter. very annoying smirk)

(Then he goes on to give a very annoying reply…)

I really don’t think you can find one. Really, do you think it’s possible for a man to be a virgin? At what age?

(“Man” is said with definite emphasis)

(Face changes to forced-serious expression, he continues…) Even if he is, he won’t tell… ha ha ha… you must be kidding me. (Repeats annoying laughter etc) 

At this point, I do the best I can: look disdainfully with what I hope will pass for dignified silence and silently grumble.

Ä Fifth Baron Fermoy, talking about Princess Diana (his niece), quoted in Maureen Johnson, ‘Prince’s bride-to-be “fits the bill” as future queen’ Associated Press, 24^th February 1981 referred to in Jeremy Paxman ‘On Royalty’ 2006 p. 95.

µ D’banj’s very annoying and annoyingly popular song goes on about a girl stalking him after he ‘let’ her have a taste of his…. D’banj is another Nigerian artiste. He performed at the THISDAY awards.