Blog

“I was out with my father one day and I saw a Rolls Royce packed in front of my house. I told my father that one day I was going to be so rich that I was going to possess numerous and variable sets of Rolls Royce. My father nudged me on my shoulders and said true riches are not based on the amount of Rolls Royce you have but on the quality of friends that stay loyal to you.” – Jimmy Belluni (THE PRACTICE)

 

 

History has recorded great leaders betrayed by those closest to them either to murder or conspiracy to murder like Julius Caesar, Malcolm X, and J.F. Kennedy; in fact the word betrayal can not connote its meaning if the person performing the act was not close to you. Therefore it becomes a paradox that you would always be betrayed by those closest to you (or those you entrust) from your wife to your counselor to your closest plutonic friend. You must get used to this fact if you plan to live in peace with all men. Is it possible to have a friend not betray you? This question brings a whole new dimension to friendship because nobody wants to be betrayed (or should I say perceived betrayal because individual mapping is affected when defining betrayal)

 

 

Lets take a typical example that most guys are used to; Ade (a guy) and Shade (a babe) are close friends. Shade tells Ade all her romantic relationship secrets from the guys that are asking her out to the guys she has slept with. Whenever she is embittered by relationship issues, Ade is the man! Then one day out of the blues, Ade asks her out insinuating marriage as the final destination. Shade could not believe her hears, she feels strongly betrayed by someone she has poured out so much to. She is not the only one that feels betrayed but she believes her betrayal is absolute. Only if she could shift her paradigm and ask questions like “after all I have told him, why does he want to marry me?” This question would definitely bring her to a level of clarity on the issue instead of the self centered view she wants to cling to.

 

 

Now let’s try to analyze friendship; there are friends that deposit value and there are those that withdraw them. Rationally and logically, humans prefer the former friendship described which is by any means easy to live with but friendship that would last requires a symbiotic process where each friend perceives the value exchange between both parties. Another discuss of friendship is a friend representing your true values; the person you are close to personifies your true value albeit different platform of operation. This is the part most people fail to see; you attract who you are not the demeanor of the person but who you are. This brings to mind friendship developed over invincible platforms like the internet, phones, etc and on seeing the person, you totally wish you had not developed such friendship. This raises two genuine questions; why were you so comfortable with the person before seeing him? What changed after you saw the person? These questions if well answered show that physical attraction affects most attraction instead of inner leanings no wonder the world is clustered with high rates of divorce, prostitution of friendship and material-based relationships.

 

Think of all the friends you have and priorities them from the closest to the least closest. You would find that your priorities were based on the perimeter of your true vales not on material affiliations like job, business, etc. These friends are your true friend; these are the friend that you should call up and ask after their welfare; these are friends that you should make emotional deposit to every single time you have the opportunity; these are friends you should hold in high esteem. If you are estranged with any of these friends, please amend your friendship today (in fact call him/her right now before you finish this article) because your destiny can not be whole without these friends.

 

 

Another paradigm is that it’s easier to understand an enemy than a friend because enemies can never hurt you at least not to the level of emotional outbreak that can totally strip you off your guard. Then why do we have friends? Why are friendships so necessary to abundant living? Why do you allow someone come to your life and tear your emotions apart? These questions are without a foundation; a peep into the scripture shows a great emphasis on relationship than on task-orientation. The whole emphasis of the scripture itself is on relationship; after man betrayed God, God sacrificed his son to draw man back to him. God, himself was betrayed by the man he created; this brings a model to accommodate the pains that are associated with friendship.

 

 

All friendships are divinely orchestrated no matter the level of hurt we face from such association. Did your friend steal your boyfriend? Thank God because you don’t need that boyfriend but you need your friend. Did your friend dupe you of that large sum of money? Rise-up and thank God because that money may lead to your demise. No matter the hurt your friend may have caused you, think of the hurt you cause God every single day in your dealings with him. This God-paradigm of understanding friendship is quite vital especially dealing with friends that constantly hurting you. Reading this message may not be as easy to implement as it is written but focusing on this paradigm may aid you to process your righteousness act. With time, you would definitely become that friend that sticks closer than a brother (a friend that despite hurt is ready to go on with the friendship). This is a process indeed and the faster we adopt this paradigm, the better for us to reach the fullness of the statue of Christ.