“Valentine is not the season of love but the reason for lust†– Dipo Tepede
Just this Friday I got the shock of my life when the only female colleague in my office asked what I was doing for valentine in an open office, I simply told her I was married (not that she didn’t know). I said this on the premise that valentine was for guys and babes looking for ways to impress their lovers or potential lovers but she pressed on pointing to me that valentines is a day to show love to your loved one and I should take my wife out and get a gift for her. I told her I don’t believe in valentine but appreciated her concern for my love life. She then started what I call the “pressure of the worldâ€
Reading the first paragraph and the quote above, my dear readers would quickly assume that I am going to write about something negative about valentine but contrary to your thoughts I am actually going to bring to light the usefulness and the importance of having such day as valentine. In the book of Esther chapter 9, an emphasis was placed on a certain month called Adar where the 14th day was specifically meant for feasting and sending choice portions to one another. This month could be equivalent to February 14th where the world has tagged a day to express love by sharing gifts based on a day honored to 2 Saints named Saint Valentine martyred on the same date. This shows the importance of keeping a day apart to celebrate one of the greatest elements in the world – LOVE.
Is what we have necessarily a celebration of love? Do we follow the traditional celebration of love? I remember my first read on valentine (I was barely 8 years old), it was a foreign book from my primary school library that laid emphasis on giving gifts o families and the underprivileged. I remember the book so well because it was hard cover and had lots of pictures; I wonder what the kids of theses days would read on valentine when they go to the library since valentine has been fully associated with romance. On the minds of an average youth, valentine connotes lust albeit a conscious effort to read it as love. Could we then assume that the youths do not know the chasm between love and lust? I get some mind blowing answers that send adrenaline running through my spine whenever this question is asked.
Shade (a female) prepares for valentine with her newly acquired boyfriend Ade. She goes to a perfume shop to purchase Cool Water, goes to a shirt shop to acquire a T.M. Lewin Shirt, Cufflinks and Tie, goes to a confectionary to pick up assorted chocolates and biscuits and finally stops at an eatery for the best cake on the stand. She was given her lover the best of the best and she was anxiously waiting for him. Ade arrives in style with his Honda Accord 2006 model; you could see the smile beaming out of Shade face proud of his man. Ade drives her straight to his apartment and she began to wonder why. Ade tells her that he wanted them to spend the night in his apartment because he did not feel like going any where but that did not stop the enthusiastic Shade from expecting her reciprocated gift. On entering the apartment, Shade reveals her gift to Ade which he collected filled with joy and he went in to bring his gift of roses and teddy bear. Ade proclaimed his love to her on bended knees and offers her the rose accompanied with the teddy bear.
She immediately lost all her enthusiasm and her behaviour changed which affected Ade that was overtly happy about the day. When he made a move to kiss her, she immediately turned away, stood up and said she was not feeling too good. To Ade’s amazement, she said she wanted to be taken home. She was obviously angry; how can he dare buy only roses and teddy bear; is that what she was worth? And worst of all, what was she going to showcase to her friends? This was too much for her to bear as the anger kept on developing more and more, she told him not to bother taking her home as she walked out of the apartment hoping to get a taxi home. Immediately, she boarded to taxi and left amidst Ade’s pleas to return to the apartment, Ade got a call from the Car agent saying he has finished the decoration of the Honda CRV for his lover and should he park it now assuming they (Ade and Shade) were already in his apartment.
Ade told him not to bother bringing it that he was not buying it any more. He felt very uncomfortable because of the two cases in his hip pocket; one decorated pack containing the key to the CRV and the other pack containing the engagement ring. He smiled to himself knowing fully well that bachelorhood would be more appealing.Â
This is quite an unusual story though fictional depicts the expectation of females on a day like valentine. The “Love 101†promoted in every top media house would have been the thingy for her to boast to her equally amused friends. This is why valentine of today has turned to a lustful venture where you are only interested in what you can get without putting the others into consideration. You only buy gifts to get a bigger one, if not; it is simply a deal breaker. Now coming back to myself, my wifey and my colleague pressuring me into getting her a gift and taking my wifey to a fanciful restaurant; this actually appears great but would it sustain a marriage. Would a day of undeniable romance affect relationship positively?
95% of the females would agree that giving gifts and other romantic requisites would foster relationships but does this actually occur? If I spoil my wife crazy with gifts and outings on February 14th just to see the priceless smile that she ordinarily would not give; should I wait for another valentine to experience this Precious Smile? If my wife does not fall into this 95% female bracket that need gift to obtain that smile; what happens to my hard earned planning and expenditures? Out of the pressure from my colleague, I asked my wife what she wanted for valentine and the answer she gave me left me dumbfounded. It made me understand the uniqueness of females and the different drivers that causes their smile. While some get inspired by gifts, others find inspiration from support of their loved ones towards their goals.
Valentine would not heal the wounds of your relationship nor would it foster the relationship; it would only provide a temporary relief to a deep seated issue that only Jesus can solve. A routine monthly valentine could make more sense by depositing emotional value but a once in a year time display of “unmeant†affection would never foster any relationship. What I have found out is that men are generally not up to this; it is the selfish motive of some larger percentage of the female folks that crave for a utopia found in dreamed-up books and romantic films that has lead to this craziness we find on earth today. Lusting is not just sexual but a longing that does not take the other into account. I wonder where the good old intimacy has gone to; I wonder why the pressures of this world does not allow us to appreciate our uniqueness; I wonder why the so-called romance of today can not provide a happy marriage……….
